Eat, Pray, Love.

With all the hype surrounding the movie of the same name based on Elizabeth Gilbert's novel, I thought I would share my journey with the novel. This book came to me in a weird way. I had never heard of it and saw it on the shelf at my local Barnes and Noble. What compelled me to buy it I will never know, it did not have a fancy cover and it did not have a synopsis on the back. I did not know what this novel was about. Fast forward 3 months later and I am packing for Cambodia. This trip would rock my world, in ways I can't describe. Reflecting on the planning meetings, I remembered that I would be on a plane in the air for 21 hours! Yes, that's right 21 hours. 1 hour from Minneapolis to Chicago, 14 hours from Chicago to Seoul, Korea and 6 from Seoul, Korea to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. So, for lack of a better phrase I would have some downtime. For those of you who aren't completely familiar with me, I am a voracious reader. I will read just about anything I can. I love to learn also. That being said, 21+ hours travel time in addition to a love of learning and reading, I needed something to occupy my time. In to my carryon, I tossed the last two books in the Twilight series and Eat, Pray, Love.

After finishing the last two books in the Twilight series, I moved on to my third book, Eat, Pray, Love. This book was exactly what I needed to read my last week in Cambodia. The book tells the story of Elizabeth (Liz) Gilbert's journey to the deepest parts of her mind and body. She takes this journey after leaving her husband and later her boyfriend/lover. She is on a quest to find herself as corny as that sounds. While reading this book, I too, was on a journey to figure out what was driving me after learning about so many things the world was keeping hidden. Liz Gilbert spends a year total but 4 months each in Italy, India and Bali, Indonesia.

 

My Eat.

I am a picky eater. I have to be given my stomach troubles. However, being a million hypothetical miles away with different spices, cooking styles and well different everything, I did not get to be picky. I took that and went running with it. I tasted everything. I ate kangaroo and ostrich (thanks Ryan and Seth); I had egg rolls and mystery meat (thank you, Life University). I am not sure what it was but I savored everything. I let bits of each bit linger and languish on my tongue as if this were my last meal. There were times I wanted to lick my plate clean. I have been back 7 months and I still long for white rice at every meal. To save money, we often ate lunch in our hotel rooms. Even the Pb&j sandwiches we ate were different. In many ways I believe it was the company I kept during the trip. Good friends always make a meal better.

 

My Pray

I do not believe in organized religion. I am not sure how I feel about God. What I do believe in is karma. I fully and whole heartedly believe in karma. You reap what you sew. I try each day to do good. Many of you will laugh when you read this but I do. I try for at least one nice thing per day. I could go on and on about karma and how it has shaped my life. After finding out my views on religion, laugh when I tell them I go to Bethel University. Bethel University is a private Christian college. You see the irony. To say that I was nervous about going on the trip was an understatement. I was terrified for many understandable reasons but mostly because often times I have expressed my beliefs and been shunned and talked about in class. Religion was going to come up on this trip no matter what. I did not want to be shunned or worse yet, have to live with the girls who were shunning me. The universe liked what I was putting down, because damn, I got good roommates. As soon as we had the religion discussion, I laid my cards on the table and they were super understanding. Not something I have often seen at Bethel or from Bethel students. I really came to love them and while I did not find God on this trip, I definitely feel farther on my quest to figure it all out.

 

As I stated previously, I believe in karma. In Cambodia, I saw what evil and power can do to others. I saw the toll it took on a nation and how, more than 30 years later, this small nation is rebuilding. Everything was stripped from the citizens of this nation. Each day I arose, not knowing what horror, I would have to face and each night I would lay in my bed and reflect. After reflection I would say a prayer to the universe that the people of this world would know healing and what a little friendship and understanding can do. While I would love to be able to save the world, I know that I can not. I can help set the wheels of change in motion but at the end of the day, I am not Wonder Woman, I can not save the whole world. Sometimes you need to leave it up to karma, to fix what needs fixing. Seeing places, like Cheung Ek (the killing fields) and Teoul Sleng (a high school turned in to a detention/torture center) will destroy a person. Inside and out. Having two incredible roommates like the ones I had, they showed me the true power of prayer. Both are intensely religious and true believers, a trait in which I admire about them. The two used this tool in similar ways as more of a quiet reflection and a way to gain clarity in their thought process. I am grateful to have been shown that.

 

My Love

While it sounds corny, but everyday I do fall in love with Dave a little more. This trip was no exception. First, letting me travel, half way around the world, took incredible courage for him. Knowing that we would not see each other for weeks, and not knowing the internet situation, and not knowing if we could communicate at all was a huge test of our marriage and relationship. Luckily for us, I did have great internet service for most of the trip and we were able to email. As I grew and reflected in my daily emails home, I received gentle words of encouragement telling me that this trip was the trip of a lifetime and to soak up each experience. Listening to the stories of Khmer Rouge survivors and meeting girls who survived sex trafficking was incredible. It gave me a new and deeper understanding of what love can really do.

Love comes in many different forms. I really learned to love myself while reading this book. Not in the dirty kind of way either. A lot of times, I focus on the negative parts of my life. As much as I try not to now, I know I still do it. I try not to verbalize it and I try to internalize it but sometimes it comes out. While reading this book, you read about how Liz, learns to let go. Let go of her failed marriage, her failed relationship with the younger man, failed friendships and failure in general. It has taken a long time, but I am learning to do the same. I have two women I used to be very close to. We were thick as thieves for years. After some time, we began to drift apart. Well, I drifted away from them. The two of them are still great friends. I am not sure when we began to drift but I can now tell you why. Its' not important to this blog post but it took a long time for me to accept it. It's a problem that is not just mine but theirs as well. Sitting on the beach, reading and reflecting during my trip, I recognized that I need to let this go. I am trying, I really am but it's hard. It comes a little more each day. Each time I let a little more of this go, I come closer and closer to forgiving myself for my mistakes, learning from them and moving forward. Only then can I truly love myself.

 

Each day as I read a little more in the book Eat, Pray, Love. I felt as though Liz Gilbert was standing behind me pushing me to take this journey just a little bit farther. She was inspiring my competitive side. Look at what I did, now you try……